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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29875842">the state of dreaming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerDew/pseuds/cafekusanagi'>cafekusanagi (RangerDew)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aiballshipping Week 2021, Artificial Intelligence, Grief/Mourning, Horribly Incorporated Philosophy 101, Identity Issues, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:28:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29875842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerDew/pseuds/cafekusanagi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The future is unbearable without Yusaku. If free will is free will and living comes from bonds, then can anyone really blame Ai for what happens next?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ai | Ignis/Fujiki Yuusaku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. i love everybody because i love you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>summary subject to change</p><p>edit: fuck i lied title subject to change as well</p><p>edit: woohoo! i finally changed the title . suck my dickkkkkkkkkkkkk ocd!!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>day i. home </p><p>title from: strawberry blond by mitski</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course the first thing Yusaku says to him is, “...Ai, are you watching one of your horrible dramas again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How utterly </span>
  <em>
    <span>rude. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki</span>
  </em>
  <span> has great taste! It is not horrible at all!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai points wildly from his duel disk, smack in the middle of the floor of Yusaku’s tiny apartment. “Exactly! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Exactly! </span>
  </em>
  <span>How can you be so rude?! My dramas are all masterpieces!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Roboppi’s eyes light up playfully. “I disagree with</span>
  <em>
    <span> Aniki. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This is the only good one so far!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YOU-- HEY! You’re not even a fraction as smart as the great me, how can you tell?!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku just shakes his head and sets down the small plastic bag of loosely defined groceries he’d just brought back. Ai temporarily quits bantering to squint his technology superior eyes at it. “What’d you get, Playmaker?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku doesn’t even grace him with a glance. “Don’t you already know? I can tell you’re snooping at the bag right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eeh, can’t I have a little conversation with my </span>
  <em>
    <span>partner?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He slumps in his Duel Disk. “Speaking of the bag, though, aren’t cup noodles supposed to be super unhealthy? They’re all you eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku finally turns to look at him, quizzical. “They’re not that unhealthy. There are people who eat them way more than me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eeh…? Well, yeah, but you’re not even in college yet. I thought cup noodles were supposed to be for students crushed by the weight of schoolwork or something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku looks a bit hurt at that. He turns back to his cups, stacking them haphazardly on a counter before opening one. “Kusanagi-san already helps me pay for rent, so I don’t have much money outside of that. I’d rather not put any more monetary pressure on him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. Ai hadn’t… he hadn’t thought of that, despite all his traversals in the network and gigabytes of experience. He never really wondered about Yusaku’s small, run-down apartment, or how he had to pay for it, or how he had to pay for everything. People had to pay for a lot of stuff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Oh. But…” he struggles to put his thoughts into words. “Isn’t it kind of sad that the hero of Link VRAINS has to live all alone in such a shoddy place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku sits down at the table, steaming cup and plastic fork in hand. He puts his hands to his chin, in thought. “...I think someday, if I live that far, it’d be nice to have a room with heating and air conditioning. But I’m fine eating instant noodles all the time.” He turns back to his cup, ready to eat. “And also, I’m not alone. I have you and Roboppi, don’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s supposed to be heartwarming. And, for a second, Ai feels just that; a fluttery kind of feeling he shouldn’t be able to describe cascading through him, the happy little confirmation that Yusaku holds in consideration, even a little, him and Roboppi. But just as quickly, it fades as he remembers Yusaku’s shivers on cold nights, the ones that don’t come from night terrors. He remembers how Yusaku comes home, week after week, with the same bag from the convenience store; cups of instant noodles, energy drinks, bottles of water, a couple of </span>
  <em>
    <span>onigiri. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...It’s a bit of a shameful thought for Ai to have, but Yusaku’s life doesn’t look at all like the teen dramas. It looks kind of sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki </span>
  </em>
  <span>is sad!” Roboppi says, no doubt sensing how quiet Ai’s being and interrupting him out of his stupor. Ai narrows his eyes. “Hey! Don’t broadcast my emotions everywhere, dummy!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dummy is a forbidden word!” Roboppi chirps happily. “Stop being sad, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki. </span>
  </em>
  <span>We’re a household, just like in your trashy dramas!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku’s brows furrow. “I feel like Roboppi’s speaking more and more new words every time I see them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, don’t worry about that!” Ai says, but on the inside, the fluttering sensation is back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re a household, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Roboppi had said, and true or not, Ai likes to belong with Yusaku. So he holds onto it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s still hard for me to believe you guys get more humanoid forms later on,” Yusaku says forlornly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The temperature in the room, if Ai could feel it, seems to drop several degrees. “...How do you know about that?” Ai asks slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku’s eyes bore into his. “How do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>know? We haven’t even fought the Hanoi properly yet.” He blinks, and all light suddenly drains from his bright green eyes. “And I haven’t died yet, either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai wakes up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His entire body feels so cold it’s on fire. All he can do is stare, straight forward, at the foot of his bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop being sad, Aniki. We’re a household, just like in your trashy dramas!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And also, I’m not alone. I have you and Roboppi, don’t I?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...I think someday, if I live that far, it’d be nice to have a house with heating and air conditioning. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I haven’t died yet, either.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know how much time passed for him to calm down, but when his mind finally starts to work clearly again he feels like… he feels old. He feels like if he goes outside right this minute the ruined world he currently lives in will have been overtaken by greenery and his cursed SOLtis body will be the only thing close to a conscious being left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This has happened a lot recently. He suspects it has to do with dreams like the one he just had; memories of times long past, so, so long past that just by dreaming of them and being someone he isn’t messes up his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s messed up. It’s so messed up. His body is still freezing (stupid SOLtis body, how can it even do that, save me) and he misses those days so much. He misses the person he was back then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki is sad!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t broadcast my emotions everywhere, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ai thinks, though that just ruins it all because he thinks it bitterly, desperately, like a ruler about to be exposed and ousted. The outside world already demonizes him as a dictator. He doesn’t want them to know he’s anything more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(As much as he hates humanity, he loves it more. He loves it because it’s the last thing he has left of Yusaku.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...Ai, are you watching one of your horrible dramas again?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What he would give to have Yusaku make fun of him, tell him to </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut up, </span>
  </em>
  <span>mute him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How do you know? We haven’t even fought the Hanoi properly yet.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Living it once was enough; Ai doesn’t want to think about the next line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I haven’t died yet, either.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(I’m so sorry, Yusaku, anger, anger, anger eating me alive because you told me to hide didn’t you you hypocrite you told me to hide and you got in the way and meddled why didn’t you hide I’m so sorry, Yusaku, I’m so sorry, I killed you, please stop haunting me, please don’t stop haunting me, I hate you, I’m sorry.) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(These feelings remain but they all feel like poor vestiges of things so long ago, the last ashes of a scorched building. Ai’s life is ruined, and yet he can’t bring himself to die already. Maybe it’s the dreams he sinks into that he hates but loves, maybe it’s the humanity that killed Yusaku that he hates but loves, maybe he can’t bring himself to do it now that Yusaku’s life is weighing on his skeleton.) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(He has nothing left but memories of home.) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai is suddenly struck with a horrible will.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It stops his nonexistent heart. If he’s finally considering it, genuinely, seriously, it must mean he’s really gone. He can’t do it, but it’s suddenly the only thing he wants to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...If he can’t have those beautiful days, can’t have Yusaku, can’t have anything, can’t have home, then the best thing he can do for himself now is to make the most of this ruined world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A SOLtis. Like me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gets up from his bed, still shivering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s work to do.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. go forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>day ii. memories</p><p>title from go forward by kimeru, majority of text ripped from episode 120: connected world</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ii. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hey, Playmaker. Come with me.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What do you mean?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Be one with me. Change your consciousness into data and fuse with me. Only you can stop me. If we're one, lifespans won't matter. we should be able to create a different future than Bohman or Lightning, right? We can live in the network world for eternity. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ai...  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Playmaker...  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I can't do that. Even if we become one, that's not the solution you're seeking. We only have one life, one consciousness. If you and I fuse, I won't be me. and you won't be you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ai, living has no solutions. When we're in pain, we search for a solution to feel better. A concise, absolute solution. But if there's a solution... it's that there are no solutions. There are no absolutes in this world. Even if we think there is, it’ll only make us feel better for a moment. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  If there are no absolutes, what’s left? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bonds. Bonds between individuals, bonds between each other. That's all there is.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> That also changes with time. A huge trigger can cause a huge change. Bonds may be severed. but new bonds can also be formed. So living is a series of bonds. That's what life is!  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I have to do that forever? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> That's a lot of work.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yeah.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And you can't do that unless you're strong.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> That's why people become stronger. That occasionally leads to conflicts. But even if that happens, we have to keep on fighting. Keep searching for bonds, even if there's no solution.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I see. I was thinking too logically, like an AI.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You can't rush living.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I don't want to keep fighting if there's no solution. Since I lost the desire to fight, I'm destined to vanish.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ai…  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p class="font-small">
  <em>If losing a friend means breaking your heart, then are you trying to break my heart? </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p class="font-smaller">
  <em>Ai means to love people.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ai wakes up. His hands are shaking. </p><p> </p><p>Right… Yusaku’s speech about “bonds” and becoming stronger. </p><p> </p><p>Don’t die, he was saying. The love people have for each other is the only absolute thing in this world. <em> And I love y-- </em></p><p> </p><p>Ai stops that particular train of thought. When he first heard that spiel, he had agreed. <em> “You’re right, Yusaku. Bonds are the only thing we have. But you haven’t refuted my second argument, which is that I’m tired of living, and I’m tired of forming bonds just to lose them. If bonds are really the only thing I have, then the last thing I want is to die by your hands.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>He still agrees, now. He actually thinks he understands it more, which is funny. The longer he lives, the more inhuman he becomes, the more he can understand a human property. He probably understands it more than Yusaku. </p><p> </p><p>Living has no solutions. All he can do is tender the wound of his broken bond until he dies.</p><p> </p><p>He gets up. His dream has given him the motivation for more work. It’s nice, having a goal. Ai supposes this is what free will is; the movement towards one’s chosen due.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and now watch as i post a chapter that for a majority isnt even my own writing!</p><p>tomorrows chapter is in [looks at my clock] 21 minutes! </p><p>ironically this is the one i agonized the longest over.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. my philosophy teacher made us watch this movie for two classes straight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>day iii. movie night</p><p>title from my life</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>iii. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yusaku-</span>
  <em>
    <span>chaaaan!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ai plops down on their ratty old sofa, spilling a bit of popcorn out of their large plastic bowl. Yusaku grunts from under his blanket. “You better clean that up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t be so straight-edged! Roboppi will take care of it later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Roboppi, to his left, cheerfully sits down on the sofa next to the both of them. “Yup yup! Leave it to me, Playmaker-sama!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku groans. “You don’t even eat popcorn, Ai.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you know I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>popcorn.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai shakes the bowl jokingly. “It’s for the movie night spirit, Yusaku! God, it’s like you don’t know anything about </span>
  <em>
    <span>atmosphere </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>aesthetics!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a waste of good popcorn,” Yusaku says, but he drops it. Ai snuggles up to him happily, bowl of inedible popcorn still content between his hands. Roboppi snuggles up to Yusaku as well, Yusaku presses a button on the remote, and the movie begins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s fun. Lots of guns. Ai sneaks glances at Yusaku every couple of seconds to gauge his reactions, and his face is… pretty much completely blank. Ai tries sticking his tongue at him a couple times, but he doesn’t notice, which Ai guesses means he’s immersed in the movie. Good. That’s what Movie Night is about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Ai completely ignores the fact that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>is forgoing immersion in the movie to be immersed in Yusaku.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At one point, Ai tries to strike up a conversation. “You know, you’re kind of like Neo, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku actually side-eyes him. “What do you mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Secret vigilante, an online name…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai expects to be brushed off, but Yusaku puts his hand to his chin. “Ah, and transgender.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai’s eyes light up. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Exactly! I’m glad you understand my vision, Yusaku-</span>
  <em>
    <span>chan!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku just rolls his eyes, turns his attention back to the movie. By their side, Roboppi has a hand to their chin as well. “Hm… So who am I, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You…” Ai thinks for a good moment, before pointing dramatically. “You’re Tank! You support me and Yusaku-</span>
  <em>
    <span>chan!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Roboppi leans in, charmed. “And who are you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aniki?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Morpheus, of course!” Ai puffs out his chest. “The leader! I’m the leader!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It sounds pathetic if you say it too many times,” Yusaku mutters from his side. Ai squirms next to him, a bit indignantly; “You’re just jealous because you’re not me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I created you, you know,” Yusaku says sardonically. Ai just huffs, and they continue to watch the movie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There really are a lot of guns, but Ai is a bit fascinated and terrified by the entire thing. An entire digital world where people live in, without knowledge of it being digital… And a future where AI overtook humanity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at Yusaku, cuddled by his side in a swaddle of blankets in childlike patterns, and Roboppi, sitting curiously at the edge of the sofa, intently focused on the sounds and sights of the green-tinted movie playing out in front of them. He suddenly feels a warmth in his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank god it didn’t turn out like the movie. Thank god they’re all still together.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank god this is real.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai wakes up, sweating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This can’t be happening. There’s no way. Dreaming of good times past is fine but dreaming of good times that never were tears Ai apart inside and out with longing, with grief, with a hope that he could somehow break out of the confines of the universe and into some other world where Yusaku is still alive and everything is as it should be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did Yusaku ever actually watch that movie? For a moment, loss and self-hatred well up within Ai once again. It’s an insult to Yusaku’s memory to build a copy of him that can’t replace him or bring him back to life or let him experience the things he didn’t. It’s a poor imitation solely for Ai’s peace of mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...His own peace of mind is really the only thing he has anymore, though. He’ll only inhabit his own mind until his SOLtis body wears itself out and dies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finds himself in his lab. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next to him, lying on an old cot he’d scrounged up from somewhere, is a SOLtis body not unlike his. There’s a pathetic and ratty blanket covering it, the only one Ai could find.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...It really does look like the splitting image of Yusaku.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns it around, feels around for the button. He presses a small bump near the back of its shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A quiet hum undetectable by humans whirs from the android’s body. A horrifying minute passes, Ai in still silence, until it opens its eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It looks just like him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It blinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ai… Where am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Ai just smiles, ready to play this game, ready to see the fruits of his creation. “Thank goodness, you’re finally awake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I thought you’d died.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>SKY RIM </p><p>DANGY RONPA </p><p>my favorite moments in the matrix are when the oracle is like 'the question is, would you have done that if i hadnt said it?' about neo breaking the vase and when she says 'youre waiting for something' and neo says 'what?' and she says 'i don't know. a next life, maybe?' </p><p>i also really liked it when she was like, 'i can see why she likes you' and neo said 'who?' and she said 'not too bright, though.' her actor was so fucking good</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ice cubes on the kitchen counter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>iv. shopping</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>W...what happened?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...It’s a long story. About a year ago, you were caught in the crossfire between me and some government forces. ...Hah, I really thought you’d died.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...I’ve been out for a year?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yup. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...But you’re okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...Geez, Yusaku, you’re gonna make me all sentimental. That’s not cool at all. Of course I’m okay, dummy. Do you think I’d fall that easily?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Of course I’m okay, dummy, because you’re here.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...So AI and humans… is there a fight still happening?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...Yusaku, you won’t hate me for what I’m about to say next, will you…?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...They’re gone. The people are all gone. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...What?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t leave this building, Yusaku. You won’t like what’s out there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>iv.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Yusaku, if you really love me, you are going to buy me an <em> Amezaiku </em>panda!” </p><p> </p><p>Yusaku looks tiredly in front of him. “I don’t know why I ever agreed to go on vacation with you.” </p><p> </p><p>Ai stares straight at him, determined. “Yusaku. It’s a panda. Made of candy. That looks like glass.”</p><p> </p><p>Yusaku sighs, and Ai holds his breath like a child waiting for his mother to buy a toy for him. “It’s just candy. It’ll disappear eventually,” Yusaku finally says, but Ai is delighted to see him pull out his wallet.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the beauty of it, Yusaku-<em> chan! </em>” he coos as he throws his arms around his loving boyfriend. “Aaaa, thank you, thank you!! My loving, hardworking boyfriend spending his hard-earned money on me… I’m honored!”</p><p> </p><p>Yusaku actually <em> blushes </em>at that, and this is how Ai knows he loves Yusaku, in the most concrete terms: his heart stutters, though by all means it is impossible. He loves Yusaku and what they stand for; an ability to surpass every expectation. </p><p> </p><p>“You were right before, you know. We <em> are </em>on vacation. Zaizen was generous to give us this time, and it would be nice to…” he clears his throat. “‘Play tourist’ with you, like you keep saying.”</p><p> </p><p>Ai has never played up the puppy face this hard before. He whips his head toward Yusaku, lips quivering, and straight up starts wailing. “WAAAAAAAH! M--MY BOYFRIEND… FINALLY WARMING UP TO MY VOCABULARY… I NEVER THOUGHT THE D--DAY WOULD COME!”</p><p> </p><p>Yusaku’s face is even redder as the cashier accepts their yen, Ai still wailing on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>They actually walk off with two <em> Amezaiku </em>pandas. Ai tries to hide his pleased grin as he sees Yusaku carefully accept the plastic boxes from the cashier, ginger fingers for the ephemeral candy pandas within.</p><p> </p><p>As it happens, Ai is unable to consume candy and Yusaku cannot bear to eat it.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you said that they were meant to be temporary?” Ai teases him later, but Yusaku just shakes his head and looks at the box. “I don’t know,” he says. “Someone put a lot of care into it. I’m reluctant to let it disappear so soon, I guess.” A shrug. “I don’t think I would’ve felt this way about an actual glass statue, though. Maybe I just treasure it more because of its nature of being temporary.”</p><p> </p><p>Ai makes fun of him for secretly being soft-hearted, but this time, it falls a bit flat. In some sentiment, Ai can agree also.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (It’s how he feels about-- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ai. I didn’t know AI could sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yusaku.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He bolts upward. </p><p> </p><p>The dream is still strong on his mind. It takes every circuit and nerve not to blurt out something dumb and sentimental and crazed, like, <em> Did you eat the panda in the end? </em> or <em> I love you </em> or <em> Save me, what did I do. How did I think you could replace the real thing? He’s haunting me in my dreams.  </em></p><p> </p><p>He blinks his eyes rapidly, tries to re-orient himself. The dream, though still clinging to the back of his mind, ebbs away. </p><p> </p><p>It’s just now that he notices the android, the thing that looks like Yusaku, is still watching him with a concerned expression.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ah, shit. Think of something to say, quick!  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“...Ack. Did you say something?”</p><p> </p><p>Not-Yusaku’s brows furrow (mouth narrowing, eyes creasing, Ai really did a good job, didn’t he?!). It glances to the side. “Nothing.” Then, quickly, it takes another glance at Ai, still concerned. “I didn’t know A.I. could sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“...Oh? Well, generally, we can’t.” Ai hefts himself up from his bed and stretches. He doesn’t exactly have a spine to crack, but he swears he hears some gears readjust. “Your’s truly built a feature for it.” </p><p> </p><p>“...I see.” </p><p> </p><p>And it says nothing more, so Ai takes this opportunity to flash it a playful smirk. “So? Enjoying the accommodations? Is your cot not too flea-infested?” </p><p> </p><p>“...Ai, really. What happened while I was out?”</p><p> </p><p>...Well, good thing he’d prepared for this. Layer on the sadness, the guarded eyes. “...Sorry, Yusaku. I… it’s not something I can talk about right now.” </p><p> </p><p>He expects more protest. Instead, Yusaku just lowers his eyes. Out of Ai’s periphery, he thinks he can spot something of guilt or reservation. </p><p> </p><p>“...It’s very you. The accommodations, that is.” </p><p> </p><p>...It takes Ai a bit to realize what he’s talking about. Back when he’d first made SOLTech his base, he’d covered it in as much self-aggrandizing, flashy ornamentation as he could. Just behind Yusaku, he can see LED holiday lights spelling out “AI AM THE GREATEST!” in flashing multicolor.</p><p> </p><p>...For a moment, Ai is at a loss for words. Then, he breaks into raucous laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Yusaku stares at him strangely. “What’s the matter?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. Nothing.” Ai can’t stop <em> laughing, </em> and his words sound breathless and beautiful in just the way he’s mimicked from those soaps and Yusaku is really <em> here. </em> He’s cracking jokes at Ai’s-- <em> pfft-- </em> at Ai’s awful sense of <em> everything </em>and-- ah, for the last remaining decades of Ai’s life, everything can be normal again, can’t it? As close as he can get?</p><p> </p><p>“It <em> is </em> very me!” He finally announces after all his laughter. Yusaku’s quizzical staring continues, and Ai brushes himself off, lets his laughter die off. Holds his hand out to Yusaku. “So? Do you want to help me make it very <em> us? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Yusaku’s posture turns hesitant. No doubt, Ai knows, there are a hundred questions on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“...Sure,” Yusaku says instead of any of them, and that’s all Ai needs to grab his hand and whisk them both away.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ai fluctuates wildly between thinking he regrets everything and knowing there was no other path he would’ve taken. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The closest thing he has to ‘Yusaku’ is here. The closest thing to the being Ai was is here, too. So why don’t they just dance this merry play together, hm?  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i think given ais tendency to distance himself when hes in states of emotional distress and given that this fic is Ai's Emotional Distress: The Fic i figured the minute another character was introduced his mannerisms would change completely into the kind of dismissive humor he had in s3. i also dont think he wants to believe this yusaku is yusaku because he doesn't want yusaku back; he wants to go back. everything's too late now. i guess in my mind ai is a lonely teenager two</p><p>also i spontaneously decided to write this tonight and then procrastinated until 11:37 so its actually probably just um. bad writing</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. just a weird dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>v. dreams</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>v.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku is by the ocean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Stardust Road. The lights in the sea glitter like a reflection of the stars in the sky. Dimly, Yusaku wonders if Stardust Road is still intact. Is Ryoken’s mansion still there, by the sea? How much has changed?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Bitterly, he wonders, Why has everything changed without me?)  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s gone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku turns to his left -- Ryoken is standing next to him, the ocean wind brushing his hair and coat. He looks the same as he did the last time Yusaku saw him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The mansion. And Stardust Road, too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t contacted me since… since Ai reappeared. Are you dead?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ryoken turns to look at him. “You know the government went after him because he killed someone, right? Why are you still fraternizing with him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wind blows softly past Yusaku’s ears. “It was an accident. I want him to live. If I’m not here to give him a second chance, then no one will.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ryoken shifts a little, and he leans on the guardrails of the road overlooking Stardust Road in a casual way, with an air Yusaku has never seen in him before. “I did die,” he says, “And I’m glad I’m dead.” He turns to Yusaku, sadly. “Otherwise I might’ve ended up something like you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ryoken’s no longer looking at him. He’s staring straight ahead at the sea of stars and the sky of stars. “I used to wonder,” he says. “What separated those plankton from those stars.” He shrugs. “In the end, I came to a conclusion. The plankton are biological, living creatures. Their existence presupposes will, desire, further existence, evolution. The stars are just stars. Unless you want to get technical about it, I suppose, but ironically enough, I’ve never been interested in astronomy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku can see where this is going. “If this is about Ai, he’s just as human as any of us.” He keeps his eyes on Ryoken, wants to make sure Ryoken knows he’s serious. “He thinks and feels and loves like a human. What else do you need?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t about that,” Ryoken says, and huffs. “...Entirely.” If Yusaku stares closely enough, he can see the sea and the sky reflected in his eyes. “It’s about you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And before Yusaku can speak again, he says, “Why are you trying to convince me, anyway? I’m dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The twinkling lights have never seemed more shimmering and vitalized in Ryoken’s irises. He still doesn’t look at Yusaku. “Wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Yusaku does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finds himself in Ai’s obnoxious, garish, </span>
  <em>
    <span>bright </span>
  </em>
  <span>room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still can’t get used to how Ai </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleeps</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s… unnerving. He doesn’t know how else to describe it. The whirring Yusaku can usually hear from his android body is softer in this state, and his face is… not peaceful, just. Tired. Or maybe ‘relaxed’ would be a better word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, that’s a source of the unnerving feeling in Yusaku’s veins. He looks relaxed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s sad. Yusaku almost can’t bear to wake him up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I need answers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Standing near his morbidly coffin-like bed, Yusaku quietly says, “Ai.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes flash open. He’s frozen, just for a couple of seconds, before his eyes reorient themselves on Yusaku and his agape expression turns into a shaky grin. “Yusaku,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the changes, despite the fact that Ai now sleeps, despite the state of the world (that Yusaku still isn’t entirely sure about) and the empty, bug infested building they now traverse through their daily life in, Yusaku will not be anything other than blunt, not to Ai. (He doesn’t want to imagine their relationship’s changed that much.) “Is Ryoken dead?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai stares at him for a long moment. The whirring of his body and a buzzing in Yusaku’s ears are the only sounds he can hear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he finally says. It’s surprisingly emotionless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And what else can Yusaku say to that? Sometimes, death is death. Death is real, and not a lighter, more forgiving version where people can be stored and returned. It’s seconds before Yusaku realizes he may be hyperventilating lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tries to calm his breath, one, two, one, two. It’s been a moment too long when he’s okay enough to speak again; “I see.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai shifts from his periphery. “Missing the past?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yusaku sighs; runs a hand over his face. “No. Just a weird dream.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a silence again. Just the whirring of Ai and that strange buzzing in his ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s about you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wake up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...O-kay. Well,” he stretches, an action so exceedingly human. “Any plans for today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I want answers. About the outside world.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai tilts his head playfully. “Eeh…? Why? Didn’t I tell you it was destroyed already?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...If there’s anything, any spark of hope left, I want to help.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai’s stature turns rigid. “Yusaku, trust me. You’ll die out there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...So, it was Yusaku who said he likes to imagine their relationship hasn’t changed that much. It was Yusaku who said that the world changes because you change it. But he remembers the tear of that bullet better than anyone. What kind of hero is he, huh? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ai’s grin and playful tilt is back as quick as Yusaku blinks. It unnerves him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything is different now. How is he going to change this one? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Yusaku takes his hand. Different or not, Ai is still Ai.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s possibly the only comforting thing he has right now in this world.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wrote this over multiple days and didnt edit also im 24 minutes late hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>updates daily!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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